Fat ass feeling

I feel like a fat ass. I ate more cake and frozen yogurt. I'm such a pig! Why do I constantly fuck up everything I want to do!? I want to be skinny but I am so destructive that I get in my own way. I need to stop being lazy and I say this every time but I need to lose this weight. I need to!!!! Okay so how can I keep myself motivated. Oh one thing that helped me was to keep pictures of things that motivated me where I would see them everyday. I should print out pictures of stuff and like oh!!! Put tons of thinspo in my closet! Yes! I am going to do that and while I'm at it I'm going to clean out my closet and make it look pretty. SPARKLES ♥     So I should probably look up ideas for walk in closets.

I just want to be fucking skinny

Fat....

I am fat. I really wanna go on a diet. Hmm.... which one is good? Well not really a diet because diets are bullshit.  I just have to cut out certain foods from my life like cake and ice cream and I have to watch my portions. Like if I were to eat some of the frozen yogurt that my mom bought, I would have to follow the serving size thing so that I don't eat extra calories. Let's see okay,... I know what i'm going to cut out. Sweets, soda, processed foods, and some other crap I know I shouldn't be eating. I'm going to go look at some other blogs now

Spring Break assignments suck

Spring Break is supposed to be a time of relaxation and fun but when all of your teachers give you assignments, they just ruin your week. Especially if your an honors student, My biology teacher gave me two packets of science work. It was horrible, you know why? One of the packets was supposed to be our midterm but we never finished. The worst part? It's 116 questions long. For me breaks of any kind are never what I want them to be. I say I'm going to do something but I never do, which annoys me so much. Sometimes I feel pressured to do things too. Maybe I'm just lazy. Yeah I'm pretty sure I'm lazy. Well I am being very lazy right now by writing this post so I'm going to go finish my spring break assignments.

Decisions Decisions

Ok so. I have changed my future career about hmmmm..... I'd say like a million times. I went from pastry chef to fashion journalist to pastry chef to wedding planner to a bunch of other things and now I've set my sights on becoming a baker. Now the problem is telling my parents. What I was thinking was I could get my learners permit (which is something my mom has been nagging me about for a while now) and then when all is well I will tell her. Now I have to focus on choosing a culinary school. Johnson and Wales is my first choice so I have to know how to get into that school. After that I will be good to go. I wanted to take cooking but it was all filled up last year so, that sucked. Well there's nothing I can do about it. I just gotta focus on what's important. School and College searching. I like Culinary Institute of America but you have to pay for each semester which is so expensive -_-   Anyways I am going to do some more research on schools and what not. I also have to behave like a saint so that when I tell my parents, mainly my mom, she won't think I'm a failure at life or that I'm giving up on doing something challenging. Like honestly it has nothing do with my career choice being challenging, its about whether I love what I do or not and honestly, baking.... I love it. I recently was just baking some red velvet cupcakes with my younger sister and I made homemade icing and boy was that fun. I said to my dad that I forgot how fun baking was. Was I pressured into believing I wanted to be a doctor of some sort? Was it the money they earn? I think I was doing it for the money, which is horrible. I have come to a final realization about life in the aspect of careers: I have to stop thinking about the big bucks because in the end will it all have been worth while? I'd rather do something I love with okay pay than be doing work that I don't prefer with awesome pay. If you do something you love the money will come. Should I be scared of confronting my parents? Hmm.. I don't know if I should be but I am. So many damn times I've told them that I know what I want to be but what I never realized was that I should have been telling them that I have tons of options to choose from. Options... Why so many?! I think my number one option was always being a pastry chef. I always had the magnetic pull towards it. I guess I just wanted my parents to be proud that they had a daughter that wanted to be a doctor. Oh and my aunt... oh she was so happy! And now I feel so bad because she thinks I want to be a doctor but now I don't. I think If I want to be a baker I should just say I'm going to be one and stick with my decision once and for all because I'm starting to get tired of switching careers all the time.But do you know why I switch so much? Because I want to be absolutely sure that I'm choosing the right profession. I don't want to end up with some job I hate.

Change. Just like Karma, it can be a Bitch

You know when people say that karma is a bitch? Yeah well they forgot Change. Whatever you say or do changes your life forever. Sometimes it makes a huge impact, other times the changes is microscopical. But which ever it maybe Change is a big part of the way us humans evolve. Change is not my friend let me tell you, I made the slightest decision to let one of my friends go and now? I'm miserable a lot of the time. CHANGE

At the moment, it's not my friend. It's kinda scary how the slightest thing could change you or your life forever. Somethings are irreversible. Then again why should we be scared to make certain decisions? If we worried all the time about little things where would humanity be?